I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
