Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
