Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
