phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
