I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
