A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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