she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
