i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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