dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Two words: blizzard sex
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
