I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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