Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
