Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
