i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
