I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
