Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
