well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
