im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
