i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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