I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
