i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
