Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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