so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
