exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
