I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
