Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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