Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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