You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
