so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
