I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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