Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
