the condom got lost in my hair
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
