there was a trapeze. enough said
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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