please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
