So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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