i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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