Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
