I hate all girls vehemently.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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