So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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