He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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