I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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