your parents love me but you hate me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
