On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
