I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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