I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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