Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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