Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
