I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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