The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
