At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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