allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I need a burrito and a hug.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize