1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
