Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just pee around me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
