At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
