I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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