next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
