Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
