I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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