There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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