well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
