Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize