Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
