I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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