none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We are all done wearing pants today
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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