Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
