My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
