Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
