Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
