3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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