belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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