sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
