I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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